Who would you cast in phone hacking: the movie?

Separated at birth ...? Hilary Swank and James Murdoch. Photograph: Mike Blake/Reuters and Rex Features

It's the story that's absorbed the entire country (if you're a Tory backbencher reading this, please feel free to replace "entire country" with "Westminster bubble"). Phone-hacking might have started at the News of the World, but it has spread to take in our most powerful institutions: parliament, police, media and Paul McMullan's Dover B&B. It has, of course, been a story with tragic elements, but one that has all the dramatic twists and turns of a conspiracy thriller. So why not see if we can cast one?

Some of you may have played the game of casting phone hacking: the movie on YouTube, and on social networks such as Twitter and Bebo. But it's unlikely that you'll have played it with the same degree of rigour Casting the News is about to demand of you. For in Casting the News, there are no points for suggesting Hugh Grant should play Hugh Grant. Mainly cos we've got him down to play Nick Davies.

Here are the roles we are looking to fill:

Rebekah Brooks: Flame-haired former News International executive at the heart of the scandal. What did she know? When did she know it? Has she been growing that hair all her life? As the leading lady in our drama, the chosen actor will be required to have a broad range. From frolicking gaily in pyjamas with Sarah Brown, to facing down the fearsome Culture, Media and Sport committee and being on holiday when employees of her newspaper were hacking the voicemail of a murdered child – there's a lot to cover. Basically, we're looking for a young Meryl Streep. And, no, that doesn't mean Anne Hathaway in a ginger wig.

Tom Watson: The doughty and, let's be honest here, doughy MP who pursued the phone-hacking scandal through the Commons when everyone else was turning a blind eye. His manner of questioning, dry and quiet, before delivering a killer punch, is ready-made for our movie and has the added potential for a toy spin-off. (Pull cord on back of doll: "Let me take you back to 2006" ... "Did you have any knowledge of the payments being made" ... "Did it not strike you as unusual" ... "I will come to James Murdoch in a minute" ...) With this assiduous determination to get to the truth, plus a passive-aggressive demeanour and a few pounds more than a man's ideal weight ... Russell Crowe would appear to be a good starting point.

Rupert Murdoch: Compassionate, moral media plutocrat whose big heart is only matched by the size of his pauses when undergoing questioning. As odd as it may seem, it was his company (albeit a very small and insignificant part of it) that conducted industrial hacking of private voice messages. We're looking for a venerable actor who can really do surprise and outrage. If we just wanted someone who looked like Murdoch, though, we'd go for Larry's dad in Curb.

John Yates: The former assistant chief constable of the Metropolitan police, who refused to reopen the original 2006 inquiry into phone hacking back in 2009, despite a number of unkind souls describing it as completely and utterly insufficient. Despite causing more raised eyebrows than a Frankie Howerd convention, Yates valiantly stayed in his job until his boss resigned, at which point he thought it only polite to follow suit. Who could convey the necessary degree of chutzpah and faith in their own abilities necessary for this role? Yes, Jude Law is a good shout. Any others?

Wendi Deng: Her volleyball spike to the head of renowned comedian and activist Johnny Whateverhisname is, was the dramatic highlight of Tuesday's select committee hearings. But there is more, much more, to Wendi Deng. A former executive at Murdoch's Star TV and – according to Rolling Stone – no fan of Fox News, Deng is a woman of many facets. Which means simply casting Lucy Liu won't hack it. If you'll pardon the pun.

James Murdoch: Son of Rupert, James is the modern face of News Corporation. By that we mean he talks in almost impenetrable business speak and has an accent that suggests he lives in a flying city halfway between Los Angeles and Sydney. James has strong opinions, his most famous being that "the only reliable, durable and perpetual guarantor of independence is profit". He's believed to have that tattooed on his stomach, like Tupac. In other news, he knew pretty much nothing about what went on at the News of the World and only paid out six-figure settlements to people who had taken the paper to court, because lawyers told him to. Starting bid for an actor to play him in our film? Hilary Swank.

Alan Rusbridger: The editor of the Guardian. He's being played by George Clooney. Sorry, this is not up for negotiation.

So there are some roles for you to fill. But please feel free to cast the net of characters wider. Furthermore, we're looking for a title, a tagline and – hey, why not – a director.

View the original article here